you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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