We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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