I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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