every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
