I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
