You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
