I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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