So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
