What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
