A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
