but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
