the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
