i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
