You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
