You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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