I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You ruined the universe
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
