i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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