Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
