I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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