Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
