Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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