you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
