see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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