ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
