when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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