ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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