i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
