The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
