remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
