I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
