Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
