she pinky promised me she was 18
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
