Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
