Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
