I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
