Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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