i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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