He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's official drugs can't kill me
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
