she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
