he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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