She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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