i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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