Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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