Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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