i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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