i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
