well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Just cropdusted the office
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Randomize
