Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
