Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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