i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
