Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
